Echoes 22 - Poison

            "Overall the tests were inconclusive." Jemma Simmons' voice was shaking as she stood in the newly repaired office on the top floor of the Refuge building. Fitz stood next to her and gave her a reassuring nod so that she would continue and not just freeze up. Both of them seemed to be frightened of the reaction they'd get from Refuge's CEO when they gave her the news. "From what we were able to tell from the little that remained from the blood sample, the numbers are changing quickly and drastically."

            Scarlett wasn't listening anymore.

            She was seated confidently in the chair behind her desk, leaning back and staring at the two S.H.I.E.L.D. agents in front of her. It was Wednesday and all in all her week had gone pretty well.

            At least it had been going well. Simmons rambled on and Fitz every so often brought her back to topic. Scarlett's silence was unnerving and they both over compensated by talking more and more, even if it was unrelated or a tangent. Their nerves were obvious.

            When she didn't respond again and simply cocked her head to the side, Fitz and Simmons exchanged glances. Scarlett was intimidating.

            She always had been, even when not meaning to be.

            "I know it feels like bad news." Simmons spoke nervously.

            "And it is, but…"

            "There's no way to really know the extent of it until you come back in for more blood work." Simmons tried to smile but received no response from Scarlett who sat still in her chair and did little but heave a sigh. "I can adjust your dosage now but I want to make sure we keep you as comfortable as possible until there are no other options."

            "When we saw you last you said you weren't experiencing much pain." Fitz began curiously. "But looking at these results, it mustn't be true. On a scale from one to ten what would you rate your pain at any given time? We need an accurate number."

            "Fitz, I hardly think this is the time…" Simmons whispered in a scolding voice and the two continued to bicker over what would be the right place and time for such a conversation.

            It didn't matter what they said next.

            It was bad news.

            Scarlett watched the two foreigners fight back and forth, no longer on the topic of her health or her blood work. She raised an eyebrow curiously and then turned her chair to look out the window. Since Tony had broken through it she'd replaced the glass but the color was still just slightly off so she could see which panels were new and which were old.

            It seemed like such a long time since he'd broken through her window. She'd give anything for him to show up right now, break through her window and take her away. What a stupid selfish thing to wish for. Scarlett felt eyes on her but she paid them no mind. Of course they were watching her. They kept searching for reasons to send her to therapy or admit her to a hospital. Scarlett didn't want therapy or doctors. She was fine.

            Just fine.

            Hell, Scarlett had broken almost every bone in her body and survived. She'd been shot, stabbed, tortured, and here she was, doing just fine. She always bounced back. It was hard to feel like she was falling prey to something as petty as the results of her blood work. How was she supposed to be scared of something she couldn't see or feel? She wouldn't be, at least not until it became something tangible.

            So what if she'd gotten bad news? Every time she'd visited Percival Ganter, her former S.H.I.E.L.D. appointed doctor, she'd gotten bad news. Even then she'd joked that there was a cloud hanging over her head, waiting for lightning to strike. Jinx would've argued it was a building about to collapse. No, Scarlett was no stranger to bad news. So why was it bothering her now?

            Perhaps it was because Jemma had been so optimistic with her upon that first meeting. Had Scarlett gotten her hopes up that things were finally turning around? If she had, she hadn't noticed. Between the papers reporting she was ill or pregnant and the constant questions on the matter, Scarlett had felt nothing but nervous. There had been no high, no hope. So why was she feeling suddenly so scared? Or maybe it wasn't so much that she felt scared but disappointed. Scarlett didn't know anymore.

            "I don't think that's going to be important, Simmons. After you get her in for…" Fitz stopped short as Jinx walked into the room and cleared her throat. She looked to her boss and then back to the duo of S.H.I.E.L.D. Agents.

            "You guys are going to have to wrap it up now. Boss lady has a meeting here in a few minutes." Jinx nodded to Scarlett.

            "Cancel it." Scarlett finally spoke and got up from her chair, with a wave of her hand.

            "But…" Jinx looked worried as did Fitz and Simmons.

            "She should probably come with us and get her blood drawn. If I can get some more tests done then I can assign the proper dosage…" Simmons whispered, nervous now that Scarlett was finally talking. Their first meeting had gone well but now that she had bad news she wasn't quite sure how to handle Scarlett. She'd been hopeful after looking over Dr. Ganter's work but now that she'd gotten the results of their first test back, she was discouraged. On top of that, Scarlett seemed to emotionally turn off the moment she'd begun to explain. Simmons had never seen anyone so emotionally detached before.

            "Hmm, not doing that either." Scarlett walked past Fitz and Simmons and pointed at Jinx. "We're getting a drink, Julianna. Maybe lunch too."

            "She wasn't listening to us at all, was she?" Fitz grimaced. "I don't think alcohol is a very good idea at this point in time. After all we just told you, perhaps…"

            "I'm going to go to a bar and get a drink. A strong drink." Scarlett turned and glared at Fitz and he silenced at once. His tongue suddenly seemed to fill his whole mouth. "You will not tell me what I can and cannot do."

            "Actually…" Simmons began tentatively but when Scarlett turned the glare toward her she reconsidered her words. Scarlett had seemed so friendly the first time they'd met, so fond of her. Now she was scary. The apprehension around Scarlett at S.H.I.E.L.D. was suddenly explained. "Oh, okay, umm I was about to say that it's fine for you to have a few drinks for now." Jemma smiled but Fitz gave her a disapproving look. "Look we can't help her at all if she's going to lose her mind before we get the chance! Let her unwind a bit and then perhaps it'll be a little less stressful for all of us. The thinning isn't dangerous yet."

            "I can hear you. Still standing here." Scarlett placed her hand on her hip expectantly. "Are we done here?"

            "Yes." Jemma nodded. "You're… you're sure you're alright? That's quite a bit to take in, Miss Damien. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but I wanted you to know… We understand if you're upset. There are some… very good people to talk to. I can schedule…"

            "Yeah, I get it." Scarlett held up her hand to stop the shorter woman. "Not shooting the messenger."

            "I'm afraid we can't join you for drinks. There's a ton of work to do back at headquarters." Fitz pointed toward the door. He couldn't wait to get out of there. It felt like they'd walked into the lion's den and Scarlett was pacing them.

            "But if you could come by maybe tonight or tomorrow we could perhaps get your blood work renewed and consider our next course of action." Simmons smiled politely. "You do understand what I told you thought, right? You were very quiet the whole time…"

            "I'm pretty smart, I got it. All the rambling was a bit hard to tune out, but I got it."

            "I'm afraid the promises I made last time may no longer apply."

            "I get it, process is speeding up. You, however, are slowing me down. Go." Scarlett nodded to the door and Simmons didn't at all seem relieved and the doctors didn't move. "What is with you two?"

            "What do you mean?" Fitz furrowed his brow then turned to Jemma. "What does she mean, Simmons?"

            "You two cannot wait to get away from me. You're practically crawling out of your skin at the sound of my voice. Yet I tell you to leave and you're lingering. Go! I got it. Bad news, gotta come in for blood work. I got it. You're free." Scarlett gestured toward the door. "Are you waiting for me to cry? I'm not going to do that. You did your job. Go!"

            "We're just worried for you, Miss Damien." Simmons assured her.

            "I'm fine." Scarlett nodded. "Don't worry about me. You are not obligated to worry."

            "I doubt that you're fine." Simmons seemed a little choked up and so Scarlett sighed. These S.H.I.E.L.D. Agents could be so surprisingly emotional.

            "I'll see you soon. And for the record Leo? Pain is not a problem. I don't know what those tests show you but I'm really not suffering. Coughing sucks sometimes and I get these weird breathing episodes but that's it. I guess there's times where I space out but they're not frequent." Scarlett couldn’t be honest about how much pain she was in. She'd always had a strangely high tolerance for it. Sure, she was probably in pain after everything she'd been through, but it wasn't bothering her.

            "Oh, she was listening!" Fitz brightened up a bit.

            "Get out." Scarlett rolled her eyes and waited for the two scientists to leave which they did reluctantly. Jinx watched them go and then looked to Scarlett curiously.

            "Were you serious about your appointment? About drinks?"

            "Absolutely." Scarlett walked behind her desk, turned off her computer and grabbed her bag. Inside it she still had the thumb drive that she'd stolen from Natasha. Guilt had kept her from opening it but maybe if she drank enough, by tonight she'd be ready to take a look. "Come on." Scarlett grabbed Jinx's arm and led her out of the office and to the elevator.

            Jinx did as she was told, but she didn't feel right about doing it. Leaving the office and going out to socialize with Scarlett was mostly against the rules. It had happened a few times for meals or when Scarlett needed help getting in and out of the office without looking ill after a treatment. But for the most part, Jinx was supposed to remain as her secretary and nothing more. Friends got killed, at least Scarlett's friends seemed to.

            Yet, Jinx liked Scarlett. She always had. Scarlett had always been very honest with her and most people avoided being honest with Jinx. People liked to humor her because she was a little quirky. Scarlett let her know right away she had no belief in the supernatural or any of the voodoo nonsense she was into. Jinx had promptly explained it wasn't voodoo and Scarlett had played along.

            It was nice. People often treated Jinx like she was weird, or bad luck, but Scarlett instead had treated her like a good luck charm and good company. But now sitting across from Scarlett in the cigar club while she ordered her second drink when Jinx was still on her first, things felt strained.

            The stress radiating off of Scarlett was palpable. Fitz and Simmons had misinterpreted it as anger, but Jinx could read it for what it was.

            "What's going on?" Jinx finally spoke to break the awkward silence. Scarlett didn't seem to mind it, in fact she was enjoying the silence and her drink. Several times Jinx had asked if she was okay but Scarlett hadn't responded. She'd gotten the reports from S.H.I.E.L.D. but they'd all gone over her head. She'd never been one for medical jargon. Mickey had explained it a bit to her but Jinx had only heard what Scarlett had heard.

            Bad news.

            "Aren't you going to drink?"

            "I'm confused." Jinx tapped her glass but didn't drink it. She'd gotten the fruitiest drink on the menu and still didn't really want to drink it. Jinx had ordered six different appetizers and had picked on those, but she'd only done so in hopes of getting Scarlett to eat. Scarlett was not a stress eater. It turned out that Scarlett completely neglected her body's need for nutrients while she was stressed out. In her state, it just wasn't something she could do. Jinx was always trying to shove food at Scarlett. She couldn't help it, she was a mother hen.

            "About? You pick up the glass and you sip. It's super easy."

            "We don't really go out socially very often and you don't seem to want to talk… But you insisted I come and now we have so much food…"

            "I know." Scarlett nodded and then with a sigh finished her drink, placed down her glass and slid it to the side. "I want you to do something for me." She leaned against the table and folded her arms in front of her.

            "What's that?"

            "Give me a reading." Scarlett tapped the table and then pushed the appetizers aside. "I know you have your cards on you, you always do."

            "You want me to read you?" Jinx was suspicious.

            "Yeah, I do." Scarlett leaned back in her seat and while she showed no signs of fear, of sorrow, Jinx could see it hanging on her. Scarlett was scared. She never thought she'd see the day and while she could have been wrong, she distinctly thought she even heard it in her voice. She didn't look scared. Scarlett looked determined but Jinx knew better.

            "Why?" Usually Jinx would be all over giving her a reading. She had to usually force her into letting her read Scarlett's fortune. Scarlett hated it, she didn't believe in any of that nonsense. Many jokes were made at Jinx's expense and now Scarlett was asking her for a reading? But that wasn't what Scarlett was really asking for. She was asking for hope.

            "I need to know." Scarlett began but the words didn't seem to want to leave her lips so instead she grunted in irritation.

            "Know what?" Jinx felt the sorrow in her stomach grow. She knew what her friend would say.

            "If I'm going to be okay." Scarlett nodded to the bartender for another drink and avoided eye contact. She knew she should slow down, she was going to get into trouble if she kept drinking like this but she didn't care. Trouble was something she could deal with, something she could fight face to face. Sickness and blood work, there was nothing she could do about that.

            "Oh." Jinx's face fell and she looked down at her drink. "I can't do that."

            "Of course you can. Just do that voodoo that you do so well and we'll get it all figured out." Scarlett smiled but it was forced.

            "No, I won't do it."

            "Come on, what are you afraid of? Too afraid a building will collapse on me while you're reading? Hate to break it to you but we can't just live outside all the time."

            "No."

            "You're always begging me for a reading. You said you wanted to give me a heads up for what's coming. Well, I'm finally letting you. Read away."

            "I said no." Jinx spoke more sternly and Scarlett finally stopped harassing her.

            "Can I at least ask why not?"

            "I don't want to give you answers that you don't really want." Jinx whispered though her voice broke as she spoke. Why was she the one getting upset? Scarlett turned away and sighed.

            "That's fair." Scarlett thanked the bartender when he brought her the drink she'd requested but it suddenly didn't seem appetizing anymore. "Shouldn't have pressured you so much."

            "It's just that stuff like that… you can't really pinpoint it. That's so specific." Jinx hoped to explain but Scarlett didn't seem to be listening. In fact, her boss was very much avoiding eye contact. "The cards give an overall reading not… specific stuff. Plus I'm… it's not always accurate. The cards know, but sometimes your emotions can get in the way. If you're worried for bad news sometimes it shows up as bad news and vice versa."

            "I'm fine." Scarlett smiled confidently and nodded her head. "Your readings just distract me from everything. They're fun. People keep talking to me like I don't get what's happening to me." Scarlett tapped the side of her glass with her nervous energy. "But I do. So what am I supposed to do about it? Everyone seems to want me to go cry to a therapist or get upset."

            "But you don't." Jinx had been on Scarlett's side when she'd denied therapy. Everyone else had worried that she wasn't coping but she watched Scarlett day in and day out and Jinx knew that Scarlett was handling it far better than most would in her situation.

            "I'm not the kind to give up. It's difficult to explain but I'm not afraid." Scarlett spoke sincerely. "People keep telling me I should be but I just don't feel it. Sometimes I do but I think it's only because I'm told I should be."

            "Really?" Jinx distinctly had seen fear in her boss and friend, but maybe Scarlett hadn't yet recognized it.

            "Yeah. It's hard to fear things you can't see. I know part of me should be afraid and so I'm a little… out of it but, it's mostly not there."

            "That's what I fear most, the unseen." Jinx smiled a little bit. "I can't give you the reading you want, Scarlett."

            "What if I paid you to fake it?"

            "I think that's illegal in most states." Jinx teased but then silence fell between them. Scarlett was disappointed but had decided to slow down. Jinx was partially right and Scarlett had known it. But she needed some kind of answer. How desperate she must have been to be asking for some bullshit she didn't believe in to give her those answers.

            Scarlett cursed under hear breath and ran her fingers through her hair as she leaned back in her seat.

            "You know what you should do?" Jinx brightened up.

            "What?"  Scarlett considered getting dressed up, going out and finding a distraction, but then thought against it. Alcohol was a bad idea. It had always been a bad idea. The only crimes that had ever made it officially to Scarlett's record had always happened under the influence. Scarlett got flirty when she was drunk, but then she got violent when men she wasn't interested in got the wrong impression. Many a bar fight had been on Scarlett's record over the last twenty years.

            "You should take that job with Stark Industries in Malibu." Jinx's smile widened and Scarlett rolled her eyes at once.

            "Isn't that a bad idea?"

            "The cards seem to think it's a rather sexy idea."

            "I'm already many things, Julianna." Scarlett sighed and looked to the side. "A mistress isn't going to be one of them." She knew if she had Tony across from her instead of Jinx right now just what she would do and it would absolutely make her become just the thing she refused to be. The truth was that Scarlett felt vulnerable, like an open wound. There was nothing she hated more than being exposed. She always had walls up, she'd always had defenses. There was no defense that would aid her today.

            Maybe she really was scared. For the first time since she'd gone to S.H.I.E.L.D. she was unsure of how things would play out. For awhile she'd been confident there'd be a cure for her somewhere. But months had passed and nothing had changed except that she'd gotten worse. Now for the first time she even felt ill. That feeling usually came and went as she received treatment but it had become steady, lingering.

            If Tony was there while she was this vulnerable, Scarlett wasn't sure what she'd do. There were things she was sure of but Tony had stumped her. More than sleeping with him, Scarlett was afraid she'd tell him the truth. Scarlett hadn't said the truth out loud in awhile. The idea of doing so scared the hell out of her.

            "I don't think it's like that… the mistress thing. The cards were pretty clear that it was romance not a fling." Jinx seemed certain but Scarlett was skeptical. Yet part of her had this crazy connection to the billionaire. Maybe in another life, in another time, they could have been more but it didn't exactly seem meant to be. If it was, life sure was cruel.

            "Yeah, because Tony Stark is known for having serious relationships that last a super long time… and so am I for that matter." Scarlett laughed, gesturing all around her but to nothing in particular. "Come on, Jinx, we both know what those cards saw."

            "So what if it's that? Haven't you been worse things than a mistress?"

            "Of course I have." Scarlett nodded. "And I plan on being much worse before the end."

            Jinx felt her heart stop but Scarlett continued on like nothing had happened.

            "Even the word mistress sounds sexy!" Jinx smiled, though she felt the worry sting inside of her.

            "I don't want to do that. Pepper seems like a good lady and I'm kind of a jerk but I'm not out to screw other women." Scarlett shrugged. "At least not like that."

            "I'm beginning to think some of the rumors the papers print are true."

            "Some of them are." Scarlett didn't say which, but instead finally nursed her third drink. Her stomach had settled, at least enough to finish what she'd paid for.

            "I think I'll mention it to Widow next time I see her. It'd be good to get you out of Boston for a little bit too. Keep you traveling…"

            "Widow already told me not to do it." Scarlett sighed and set down her glass.

            "I'm sure that I could…"

            "Keep my babysitter out of it." Scarlett waved to Jinx who nodded her head.

            "I still think you should do it."

            "Wow, a bit of a rebel today, aren't you?" Scarlett pulled some cash from her purse and threw it on the table for the drinks. "Telling me to go against S.H.I.E.L.D. orders."

            "You deserve some fun."

            "You know what? I agree." Scarlett considered again taking Tony Stark up on his offer. He'd tried to call her since and they'd exchanged a few emails and text messages. Aside from that Scarlett had managed to avoid him. Mostly because she didn't want to tell him no. Looking in her purse she saw again the thumb drive that she'd stolen from Natasha.

            She was sure the Black Widow knew she'd taken it. How could she not? Natasha was smart. She'd notice that it was missing almost immediately and put two and two together. If anyone else had taken it, and the information was as important as Scarlett guessed, Natasha would have been all over it. Part of Scarlett was worried it would get Natasha into trouble with S.H.I.E.L.D. She was already causing her friends enough trouble, she shouldn't be compounding it.

            All she wanted was a little bit of control back. Scarlett closed her purse and ignored the thumb drive again. Maybe she'd simply give it back to Natasha without her noticing. It wouldn't make up for taking it, but it would be enough.

            Still, Jinx was right. Scarlett needed to have a little fun. Life was too short, especially for Scarlett.